Actress and Prince Charming: A Fairytale
Petra's search for Prince Charming takes her through disastrous dates, suspicious dating apps, and conversations with men who may not even exist. After a dinner with actual human beings and an unexpected shopping trip, she discovers that finding happiness doesn't necessarily require finding a man.
An Actress, a Few Frogs, and No Prince Charming
Once upon a time, there was a woman named Maria who lived in the land of palm trees and sweat, the Magic City of Miami. She was a successful actress and devoted mother to two four-legged companions. Having kissed a few unattractive frogs in her day, she was ready for Prince Charming. A pal, a soulmate, or maybe a guy friend who could turn into someone she was passionate about. A kind man with a slim physique, and no boobs.
Kind of like winning the lottery.
Her friend Ellen pushed her to join Match. "You have to go out and find your destiny."
One date was with a divorced man at Books & Books in Coral Gables. By mutual consent, they decided to become movie buddies. Yes! She had a pal!
A week later, she received an angry phone call from his wife.
So, not divorced.
Another prospective partner met her for lunch at Merrick Park, an upscale mall in Coral Gables. He kissed her hello on the cheek. How very French.
His first words were, "Let's split the check." He repeated this to the hostess, the server, and the busboy.
Maria tried other dating sites. The not-divorced man from Match asked her out on OkCupid as if they'd never met. Probably a tinge of dementia.
She deleted her profiles.
Months later, Maria moved to Los Angeles. A friend suggested Hinge.
One gentleman sent her dick pics. Another asked for her hand in marriage and offered to go down on her in the same sentence.
She reported both and went offline.
A New Kingdom of Possibilities
A year later, two dating app ads popped up on Instagram. One organized group dinners. Maybe later, she thought.
The other was called YourAgeMeets.
Hmm. Could be interesting.
Maria wrote a short bio:
I would like to meet someone my own age. I'm interested in friendship first. If you're not in my decade, please don't respond.
First she received notifications:
Fellpen has added you to his Favorites. You have the power to make him happy!
You might be his reason to smile!
Age: 45
Then came the messages:
Joao: I want to get to know the real you—without rushing, and in a beautiful way. Would you give me the chance to get closer to you?
Age: 32
Antonio: Cognitive biases are thinking errors that cause us to see the world according to our own interests. Do you feel like you idealize your life or someone else's?
Age: 29
Maria ran the messages through an AI detector. All flagged as AI-generated.
She changed her bio:
I've been answering AI-generated questions for a month. I'm almost out of coins, which is exactly what this site wants: for me to pay to respond. Stop acting like you know me when we haven't even communicated. Only my decdade!
The messages quadrupled.
Maria was furious.
Customer Service, or Something Like It
Maria opened a support chat.
Maria: I feel like this is a total AI scam. I want to delete my account.
Mary: Greetings! 😎 Mary here to assist you! May I ask you a couple of questions first?
Maria: Sure.
Mary: Were you able to meet someone you really liked?
Maria: No.
Mary: Leaving now could mean giving up all you've established here. Why not explore what exciting opportunities might still be ahead? 💎💫
Maria: What is there to give up? Every time I put the comments into an AI generator, they're all made by AI. Please tell me how to disconnect.
Mary: Don't let all your effort be in vain! Make your conversations sparkle!
Maria: HOW DO I DISCONNECT? PLEASE ANSWER MY QUESTION.
Mary: Let me offer you 15 gems—that's 15 minutes of chat!
Maria: NO.
Mary: With 30 gems, you get a full 30 minutes of chat time! These gems are worth $27! 😉
Maria: You're offering me 30 gems for free?
Mary: Yes! But you have to keep your account active.
Maria: Alright. I don't trust this process, but what the heck?
Mary: Perfect! ✨ Consider this a VIP pass to exciting new moments!
Maria changed her bio again:
I'm looking for a man between 58 and 65. THAT'S IT. Don't message me if you could be my son or if you live in Brazil. I want a normal love life. Please move on if you're holding a fish, standing next to an airplane, posing with a glass of wine, or mansplaining. Not interested in pics showing a shirt unbuttoned to the waist full of chest hair. Write your own bios without AI. Kindness is a plus.
Almost immediately, Pedro Pablo, who had already communicated with her, reappeared.
Pedro Pablo: Good evening. It would be a pleasure to have my first conversation with you.
Maria: Hi Bot. We've been having a conversation this entire time. I can see it by scrolling up.
Pedro Pablo: Dear Maria, of course! I just really miss our conversations. How has your day been?
A few days later:
Pedro Pablo: Hello, it's a pleasure to greet you. How are you? How are you doing?
Maria was tired of communicating with a Stepford Wife.
She signed up for the other app. The one with actual people.
Dinner With Strangers
At precisely 7 p.m., Maria arrived at First of All, a rustic Mexican restaurant in West Hollywood.
Four women and one man sat at the table.
Everyone just sat looking at each other. Maria started the ball rolling by requesting separate checks, ordering a quesadilla, and asking how long everyone had been on the app.
The conversation became animated, if not exactly scintillating.
There were definitely no sparks with the man to her left, who talked endlessly about flying business class.
After a bit, everyone paid and got up at once.
No Prince Charming, but a pleasant evening. Maria could see herself having dinner with strangers again. And it guaranteed finishing early.
As she walked to her car, she spotted a curious store across the street.
The sign said World of Books. Underneath, Love Connection.
As she approached, she noticed there weren't any books.
The inventory was entirely sex toys.
After half an hour of asking questions and receiving some very interesting answers, Maria walked out with a shiny, new purchase.
She still wanted companionship. Someone to laugh with, travel with, and maybe fall in love with. Spending an evening with real people was a good start.
She hadn't given up on Prince Charming. She'd just stopped waiting around for him to make her happy.
And Maria she lived happily ever after. For now.