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A-List of Crazies

It's Oscars Day!

Sunday morning, March 10. The Academy Awards are being presented on ABC. I have been living in LA for four and a half years and by coincidence, I happen to be in the neighborhood where they are being held, West Hollywood. Since I'm here, I may as well investigate. My friend Miguel teased me earlier in the week saying, 'good luck at the Oscars' which is what gives me the idea of seeing how close I can get to the Dolby Theatre on Hollywood Boulevard. I figure side streets will be easier. There are lots of barricades. I park and get on the boulevard, walking east. I see the Pantages sign and look at my GPS. I am walking in the wrong direction. It's 11am and there are all kinds of crazy people on the boulevard. Those barricades are there for a reason.

I get back in my car, dejected. It's getting hot, close to noon. Maybe I should just go home. I'm going west on Sunset when I spot an In 'n Out burger at the corner of North Orange Drive. I quickly turn right. There's one parking spot amidst a sea of cars at the drive through and at least 60 people milling around, waiting for their orders inside. I go in, looking long and hard at the board. I have no intention of getting anything but at least the security cameras will reveal that it looks like I want to order if anyone checks later. Less chance of being towed. At least that is the movie I've made up in my head. Come on, it's Oscars day.

I mosey up towards Hollywood Boulevard. Tons of SUV Limos with tinted windows line the street, chauffeurs having a smoke outside, flowers and food being unloaded, signs everywhere saying 'event parking only.' I pass a young woman with a black top and pink tutu , a la Carrie Bradshaw in 'Sex and the City' walking down the street. I love her outfit and wonder why she's going in the opposite direction of the Oscars. I snap a pic of her, remembering my tutu moment. In 2008 I went with three friends in Miami to see 'Sex and the City' the night it opened. We had made plans months beforehand to dress up as the four main characters. As Carrie, I bought a pink tutu and top that I ordered from Capezio in New York. I thought I looked adorable until I got to the theatre. My friends each made up some lame excuse for not arriving as Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha. Yes, I was the ONLY one in a sea of 600 women and a spattering of men in the audience to dress up. I wanted the earth to swallow me whole but once the lights dimmed, I got lost in the movie. Afterwards we went to Johnny Rockets across the street and ended up line dancing with the waiters.

I snap out of my reverie/nightmare and continue walking until I reach the boulevard. People are milling about even though we're still hours away from the event. Well, maybe not that many because the show is being broadcast an hour earlier. There are no less than three security guards at this wired fence directing traffic. Two women in long dresses approach. "Do you have an invite?" the youngest guard asks.

"We were invited," the one with the green gown says, with an air of confidence.

"I can't let you in without a code," he responds smiling. They argue for a bit longer, but the guard is firm and they walk away. I'm curious and I walk over. "Do people do this a lot, arriving as if they're going to the Oscars?" I ask. "You have no idea. We get all kinds," he answers with a chuckle.

More people begin to arrive. Black, white tuxes, red, gold, and Barbie pink colored gowns appear at the gate. Some guests are driven in a golf cart. They show their phones, and are whisked through. Now I understand the tutu girl. She had no invite but tried to talk her way past the gate. I hang around, observing the spectacle. After ten minutes, I am done. Better to watch from my house, with Paco curled up in his little bed. I wave to the security guards and turn to walk back down. There are still a ton of people waiting for the flipped burgers as I get into my car and drive away.

Moral of the story? Go to the Oscars with an invite. I plan to one day 😉 🏆

Don't crash the party, be the party---Anon.

Pilar Uribe
Pilar Uribe is an actor and voice talent, known for Yo soy Betty, la fea (1999), Wonderguy (1993) and Second Extinction (2020). Catch Pilar in video games, feature films, and tv shows + follow on Instagram and YouTube for more...


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